Life was good before the family violence. I had been working at a medical centre in Auckland for many years and had recently taken my eldest two children to the Gold Coast, our first holiday.

Then I met him, my ex.

While I was in that relationship I felt isolated from everyone. I was holding down a full-time job, trying to overcome postnatal depression after a traumatic birth and working with injuries from the violence. When I would return home after work, I couldn’t do anything for myself because I had to meet other people’s demands.

I remember the week before I left the relationship my phone went missing suspiciously for a whole week. I had no contact with anyone.

The night I left with my kids I was beaten in front of our whole street. We left everything behind but leaving was only the start of my journey.  

Trying to start again

I had a serious concussion from the beating, a bad credit history and $15,000 debt that we both incurred, which I was left to deal with on my own.

I had no real starting point and too many important issues to sort out all at once.

Initially, we lived in a Women’s Refuge. I kept a notebook with names and numbers of some of the many people and organisations I got in touch with – there were 20 for a start.

By the time we left Refuge six months later because the lockdown had been so hard, I had been connected with double – 40 different people and organisations.

Everything linked to money was hard, really hard. I had sympathy because I was in a Refuge but not a lot of places understood what that meant.

I was always on the end of the phone asking to delay payments or set up to make new arrangements because of my situation – but I wasn’t allowed to without incurring more fees. 

For instance, I rang the debt collection agency to make arrangements for the parking ticket I had and my first problem was my address. I had to use someone else’s also explaining I was in Refuge. The second frustrating bit was they wouldn’t take what money I could afford to set up the payment. They were aware of my situation, but it made no difference. 

I had so many difficulties with MSD. I really struggled to get what I needed from them. What did help was Women’s Refuge having their own MSD case manager.

After Refuge it took four months of us floating around – regularly hungry and financially exhausted before we found a home – and we only managed to find a place because of someone I knew.

A new home

In my new home, I had to have guarantors for my utilities. Including the power company I had used for my last four rentals over the past ten years. My record wasn’t good enough for them because of my credit history and I didn’t have the couple of hundred dollars they wanted in bond either.

When it came to negotiating repayments and leaning on other community services, I had to prove my story each time with all my paperwork, including the protection order. 

When we moved into our new home, I met my Financial Mentor, Mike. It had been nearly a year since I had left my relationship.

Once I connected with Mike, he connected me to Vanessa from Good Shepherd NZ, and I knew then I was onto something. I finally had support to deal with the money side of things and I wasn’t fighting on my own.

It was thanks to both their backing and knowledge, that I was able to actually get somewhere. Vanessa was a God-send. Her expertise and ability to relate made everything less daunting.

I remember Vanessa helping me reach out to my bank for support with my $6,000 debt.

When the bank wiped the debt, I just cried! It didn’t seem real. It halved my debt problem and I could finally begin to see the end – free from everything that tied me to this old relationship.

The best option I had left to get rid of the remaining debt was to tap into my Kiwisaver – Vanessa helped me with the application. Getting rid of my debt made the most difference because I was finally free to make choices.

Now I am back working and am in private practice. I’m able to buy kai for my whānau and save a small amount of money each week.

This is what freedom looks like for me – living within our means, no longer relying on other people or organisations and making my own decisions.

*The name and any identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the person involved